+{ReiVII's Sanctuary}+

#19: Chinese New Year

2012-01-25T22:53:00.003+08:00

Today's just passed the third day of the Chinese Lunar New Year. As usual, our family visited three different locations where our relatives are. Though this year is without celebration, it seems like we're closer to our cousins now.

This chinese new year has passed, first year without our grandma who has left us earlier last year. I could feel the nostalgic-ness in the air, but that's Life isn't it? People come, and then people go. The only place where they live forever is in our hearts...

2012. I'm not sure what to say about this particular year. Some chinese masters wrote about the misfortunes for those born in the year of the Tiger, while others talk about the vast opportunities. For me, it seems like a new journey. A journey to nowhere.

Watched Hana Kimi drama after the Chinese New Year visits. It's been so long since i have last watched a japanese drama with the latest one being Tomohisa-kun's Ashita no Joe. This one kind of inspires me and relived some high school moments. Though I was in an all girl's school, the feeling of being that young and innocent is definitely there. Incidentally, I have found out that Ikuta Toma is acting as one of the main characters in the show too! Haha, such coincidence! :)

Sometimes, I feel that I have think too much about Life. It is definitely good to ponder about it once in a while, but to let it affect me negatively is a no-no. So one of this year's golden rule shall be - POSITIVITY :P

I might *cross my finger* try my luck to get myself over to Japan to work for awhile. Not too sure if it's gonna work, or if it's the right choice. But half my heart is already there >.< *sigh* Gonna get myself a mini haircut before I take a picture in request for an interview.

#18: A clear sky

2012-01-10T01:58:00.003+08:00

I wanted to write the title as: A Clear Blue Sky, but it came to sudden realisation that the sky isn't always blue. At least, i do not want to make it so. I love changes, but not all changes. I like to question, but that does not mean I lack trust or faith.

My inner fog has cleared. That was what i was trying to depict. Haha. ^^ For now that is. I hasnt had this feeling of being so clear what i want to do for such a long time that it feels so surreal now. Especially every time when i think back about it.

I look at my life retrospectively at times. Things don't really go right all the time. Life's not always so smooth sailing, else there will be no fun, right?

Anyways, made up my silly fickle minded mind about something. Took me months. (OMG). But it's finally done now :) All i can do now is to work towards it and wait for the day to come...

#17: Work

2012-01-04T22:15:00.002+08:00

Back to workforce since last week. I'm getting used to the flow and work in the clinic now. Made a new friend and learnt abit more about Life. Confidence is very important. As well as knowing how to stand up for oneself. :)

I went home straight after work today again, expecting myself to do more cleaning up of my room and stuffs. Managed to hand in a planned event budget document today too.

Chatted with my mom and discussed some issues with my sis. It's about going to work in Japan. Couldn't make up my mind for it at first, but i may just go on and apply and go for the interview in the end. :)

Somehow, deep in my heart, i really wanna go...

#16: Realities

2012-01-04T00:18:00.002+08:00

3rd day into the new year and 72hrs learnt loads about Life. Seems like Year 2012 is a going to be a journey full of learning.

Lost really good friends whom I have known for years. It seems that the issue is in me not caring about them enough. That they have put in so much effort for me but i did not return the effort. Maybe it is the difference in how we think. For one, I never had the expectation for people to do things for me. I grew up learning hard independence - Through tears and heartbreaks. I loved people, but many broke my heart and hurt me - those whom i have no means to do harm to, and people whom i don't even really know. Yups, prolly learning to treasure would be something, but not being myself is another. Maybe through the years, I have lost abit of "feelings" and became somewhat insensitive. Maybes. Or maybe it's just the difference in perspectives.

Learnt that, new friends can be made, but what turns out is another thing.
And... Game theories definitely sounds interesting, but when applied, it makes everything abit planned and superficial.

Learnt that, following the heart doesn't always works, the brain needs to be part of it too.

Learnt that, maybe, I'm not suited to be a particular "Leadership" position. Or rather, i feel that im not yet suited. I can't please everyone.

Learnt that, if you do not participate in the games people are playing, you'll always be on the losing end - For not playing.

Learnt that, if everyone is NOT playing these games, the world will be a much better place.

Learnt that, time is very precious. Maybe im not doing certain stuffs or at certain places because, that is not where im meant to be.

Learnt that, Life is making me learnt the hard way. And that's the way to learn more about Life.

2012 - I shall aim to be a better me.

#15: A New New Year!

2012-01-01T16:43:00.002+08:00

In just a blink of an eye, we're now standing in Year 2012, offically.

Loads of celebrations, fireworks, food and drinks. Not to forget tears and laughters. Reminances. The pasts of 2011.

It's going to be a new beginning, a clean new slab. And that is what I have told myself. Yes, year 2012 will be like a "restart" button for me. No more regrets, nothing less then a sigh of contentment for the choices made.

Spent my new year this year well with new made friends. Awesome and memorable.

Learnt so much in 2011. So im gonna make 2012 worthwhile now. :)

#14: The Way.

2011-12-12T14:49:00.002+08:00

Monday. But not-so-blue a Monday.

Decided to call my agent and got an ad-hoc nurse job. Lucky for me, there is this hospital in need for a staff. So yup, there I go. Should be starting work soon I hope. I reckoned that I have rested enough already. :)

Started on my planting. XD In total, there are 20 different type of seeds I have planted. Amongst them are vegetables, flowers, and herbs. Yesh, I love flowers, but I absolutely adore herbs too. Planted some dills. ^^

Since planting has started, next will be drawing. If I'm not starting work tomorrow, I will draw.

~~~~~

Today, a thought have struck me.
It was like a divine message.
It is to remind me of The Way.

Not to lose myself in this physical world.
Not to immerse in the complexities and games.
Not to be overcome by needless thoughts.

As everything that exists ceases to.
Nothing stays forever so.
The world is realm of learning.
So play hard, work hard, but never forget to learn.

When all comes to an end.
Nothing can we bring along.
Only experiences of our being in the world.
And that, once forgetten, and erased from the mind.

One is nothing, but another emplty slab of soul.
The conscious ready for yet another experience.

Birth is the beginning transition.
Death is the beginning of eternity.

~~~~~~

And so, as I'm living now,
I hope to make the world a better place.
A wiser place.
A place of humanity.

~~~~~~

May you all grow well and healthy!

#13: Therapeutic

2011-12-11T02:11:00.005+08:00

I must admit - being able to chat with friends openly without judgement is really what freedom of speech is. It is therapeutic, spiritual healing down to the core. This is what makes Life worth it. Being able to share ideas and experiences without being judged, without being condemned... :)

The haze is clearing up. I'm seeing things better now. My mind is able to make better choices...

Anata no koe ga kikoete Subete wo nakushita asa
'Hitotsu ni narenu futari'...

#12: Pulau Ubin

2011-12-10T03:01:00.002+08:00

Yesh! Went on a solo trip to Pulau Ubin. Sometimes, i guess, it's good to take abit of time off alone. It makes it easier to clear my mind and relax. :)

This trip has reminded me of alot things that i used to enjoy when I was younger. When things weren't so complicated as when in adulthood. When I have my unique 'Way of Life' and firmly lived by it. How nostalgic.

Just when these were unfolding themselves in my mind like an old film, I hear this teeny weeny voice in my head telling me that anything is possible. If I want that part of me back, I can. :) My angels. <3

So.. through this trip, I have made up my mind about alot of things in Life.

有些路，必定一个人走。
不是长久，但并非短暂。
有些战争，必定一个人抗。
不是为立下土地，而是因保留自己的"存在"。
有些责任，必定一个人承担。
不是不信任亲戚朋友，只是需尽“人”作则。

#11: Phantasmagoria

2011-12-09T04:14:00.002+08:00

Chanced upon this video while youtube surfing :) I'm sharing here instead of FB, not wanting to raise too many eyebrows. lols

Love the whole vid. But i love Alice Nine even more :P

#10: Maybe, Baby...

2011-12-09T00:43:00.002+08:00

Done with my interview today. Hmm. I'm not so sure about the outcome though. Still waiting for a few more other agencies to get back to me. Mehh. Quick, I need a job. Fund running lower and lower...

Was having a night of pondering after dinner. I just feel the need to get out for a lil' walk and breathe in some fresh air. Thinking... And you know what? The irony is that, when you're really at a lost of what to do, and you pray and wish really hard upon the stars for savior, you may actually really get one.

Somehow had a chat with my friend... and it ended to be the start of a business plan. I hope this really works, coz it's something i really wanna wanna do... :)

And cornetto played a part in saving my soul -

Tatami Table

2011-12-08T01:50:00.003+08:00

A late lunch turns into a Daiso shopping spree!! Whee~ Bought loads of stuff for my room ^^ Can u imagine how many items I have bought with $50 bucks? Yesh. It's a freaking 25 items! But of course, not all are for me and myself only. There's a non-slip mat lining for my parents, and 2 plastic bottles for drinks storage. And that means, 22 items for me, myself and I :P

Took me a few hours to get my table corner right. I didn't take this "before and after" photo for comparison, because the "before" was totally horrendous. To the point of being hideous. Lols. Okay, prolly I have exaggerated for the latter.

Here it is!

Pipi (my penguin) has decided to pop by the tatami corner for a lil' visit. Seems like a homely place, with the reindeer decoration adding in to the festive atmosphere. I love my table's tatami corner! XD

Okays, im finally done combing my hair (yes, all that hair) after shampoo. Gonna play abit of Skyrim, and maybe watch abit of anime while waiting for the sun to rise... That's how I'm preparing for my job interview tomorrow morning :) I need all the luck!

#8: Changed the design of my blog

2011-12-06T17:57:00.002+08:00

Yepp. I have decided to make some changes to my blog. I actually would prefer to make a new fresh webpage, but it's gonna be difficult to find a good FREE hosting web. Bleah. And so here i am, trying to make the most out of Blogger. I have yet to design my banner still, and am still trying to sort out the links and everything in here.

Got abit sick and tired of Facebook - I need space to breathe. Seriously, I'm still gonna update and blog in here even if there is no one else looking at them other then me myself. Call it cheap trills, but i prefer to call it freedom of self expression.

An artist lost in her mind can become a potent hazard. Near fatal and as fatal as it can be. So I'm here, once again. Gonna write and draw as much as I want, and no, i do not need judgements from anyone. Comments are okay :)But if you are gonna insist on judging, den go on. I'll just ignore it :P

#7: Midnight

2011-11-21T01:20:00.002+08:00

Well, it's already past midnight here though. 1.20am. I'm sitting on my bed with my lap top on a chair in a dark room. No music, nothing. Just the silence, the tapping away of the keyboard, and the vehicles zooming past downstairs. And so you wonder why there are so many people who are still awake in the supposedly dead of the night.

Chatted with PS for nearly 3 hours on my phone. Darn, forgetful me did not realise that the time flew so fast. And there goes my chat time :/ But it was great catching up. We chatted lots, about life, current issues, and relationship stuffs. Practically anything we can think of. And that's one friendship i would say for nearly half my living years.

Looking back, there have been regrets. Loads. Most of them were directly linked to choices i have made. And how i react to hostility and toxic behaviour. Blah. Interests I would have continued, things I have given up hope for, and etc. What a route. I guess must say this: I indeed play a part in becoming who i am today. How i react to situations, and how i have shaped my mindset. Gotta be strong like how i used to be, yea~

'Nuff of close-to-emo stuffs now. Life is meant to be lived forward, not backwards. We will definitely come across many different types of people as we grow up - people with different perspectives, with different sets of values, etc. But don't, don't ever let them influence you negatively. Because in the end, it's your life, and it's all about how you want to live it. Not how you are gonna fit your life into others!

#6: Lightroom 0.3

2011-11-15T18:12:00.003+08:00

Woke up really late today. It was all because of the fact that I have been doing some editing and uploading of the AFA photos. They are all almost done now, but the main thing is that II have other remaining outdated photos that i have yet edited. Such as my sis's wedding photos.. (im so gonna be DEAD), photos from Marina Bay Sands - Dali's etc, and random ones here and there. And i need more time to clean up my room too!! Guess it's gonna be another late night for me again today...

Oh yes, and for the workshop on Lightroom 0.3 Adobe, shall show it here after im home XD (can't email myself currently as the sch's reception is really poor in the new building)

Tata!

Okays, here's the picture!

Amazing?

While editing this post, im actually at Orchard's Coffee Club :) Just done watching the show "You're the apple of my eye" alone, since i have missed the train after supper with the house classmates ^^ Just got the thought of rather spending my money on movies and drinks then on cab fare. Exceeded much of cab budget already :/

#5: Cosplay!

2011-11-15T02:38:00.004+08:00

Finally done with my exams, and it's a time for joyous celebration. Intoxicating myself with all the things i love... ^^ Muah.

Went for a cosplay event in the recent past weekend, and i love everything - the crowd is awesome though it makes me feel like im out of oxygen, and the artwork, everything! Cosplaying is something not to be missed too.

I didn't really cosplay for this event. Just wore something i seldom would wear out. For the second day, I wore a Yukata ^^ Got asked to take a few pictures by passerbys, and my first reaction was: "oh, erm, with me?" Haha. Kinda awkward, but guess i got to get myself used to it if i want to cosplay :P

Made a few new friends, and lots of memories captured in my camera. Have yet to be done processing all the photos, but soon i suppose. Over 100 pictures!!

Alright, gonna sleep soon. Nights!

Here's some photos~

#4: Rediscovery

2011-11-11T03:39:00.003+08:00

Yes, just as the title goes: I'm currently going through some self-initiated personal rediscovery project, aimed at looking back at my life retrospectively. Gathering thoughts and information about myself, and getting "me" on track back.

Gone shall be the days when conformity forces the essence out of me. I'm gonna gather all of them back! What people think of me is really not so much of my business as long as i live Life without causing deliberate harm to others.

Values are important in guiding one in track. Without values, one can easily be clouded by everything Life throws at you. It makes it harder to get back up to your feet without all the values.

It's been so long since i have last been able to speak my mind without needing to worry about how others are going to approve or disapprove of it. But it has been too long, so long that it seems like i have kinda forgotten how to do it with ease. Guess more practice will make it better. :)

#3：It's Ending.

2011-11-10T01:53:00.002+08:00

Had my last 2nd exam paper today afternoon. It was a 3 full hours of writing, but i finished it in about 2.5 hours. I cant really predict how im going to fare, but there's not much point in thinking about especially so when it's already something of the past already, right?

On my way home, i have decided to buy some dried pork home, and trimmed my hair as well. The guy in the salon who was doing my hair was so nice! But because i was sooo tired to the point of fatigue, i guess i wasn't reciprocating the nice-ness. haha...

Kind of missing school - not to be confused with missing exams. :P But one have to grow up and work and assume responsibilities one day. Just like now. There are so many things in place, but life's pushing me away from the things i want to do. Even though i know it's at the expense of my health. And prolly coz Life loves me too much to put me through that self torture... And my fate is prolly somewhere else instead.

I don't even know where my fate lies. Such irony. Sometimes, i just don't feel like thinking about anything at all and just live it. Just do the things i enjoy...

#2: Usual Thoughts

2011-11-06T02:13:00.001+08:00

Had a busy schedule lined up today. Waking up in time to have a satisfactory mac breakfast with my study mate before putting my minds down to revising for exams. Clinical Management. It talks about the different management theories, budgeting, identifying toxic behaviours etc. Interesting as it is, there's a whole lot of text to digest.

Meet up with SIM Photography Club peeps in the afternoon for a Video Seminar that lasted from 2pm to 5pm. Invited guest speakers include Singapore's very own video producer/director Royston Tan. Most people remembers him by the film 881. Very inspiring, very encouraging.

Lastly, had a BBQ session with the YEC peeps! More calories, but definitely a night of bonding and thoughts rolling! Gonna spend some energy in there to work on the projects!

It rains, and it rains. But i love night rain. It's kind of calming. Somehow. It makes me think. And i wonder.

So many things i want to do. Art is definitely in it. Music, and composing. But all these can only begin after November. After my exams end. How depressing :/ But at the same time I look forward to that day. The day when i become my own artist - showing my own work... ^^ 期待？

#1: Reborn

2011-11-05T03:06:00.001+08:00

Today, marks the day when i have finally kinda straightened up my mind and wake up to reality. You may wonder what reality it is. It's nothing much more than about "Growing Up and being more responsible for your own Life" mindset. Truth is, everyone's age goes up by 1 every year, and there's always a time when you feel that you should be stepping into the "Adult Me" mindset. Got to start planning for the future, be responsible for every action and consequences, and make sure your Life don't go wasted.

Been down so many times, and has not really gotten back up. It's so much better now though, and even more after I have read his blog. The guy who have claimed a special spot in my heart. The guy none other that Tomohisa-kun.

If I had been down and loss, he would have gotten it so many times and much worse before. If I had dropped a single tear, he may have filled a cup warm with his tears. Okay, I know this sounds abit silly, but I just want to write it down anyways. Haha.

On a side track, my forehead still hurts abit from knocking it into my bedroom wall just now. :/

Read his blogs, once again after stopping for sometime. He's still the guy who have never once failed to make me smile or cry. You can call it a fandom, obsession. Anything. But I feel that he's more of a distant friend, and old friend, a confident, and inspiration. Though I know i have not been writing letters these years. Life hasnt had much good to talk about. That was what i have thought. Being in a place where dire conformity is a must, and one is not to speak what they think, but what others what to hear. It has left me with nothing, but just an empty shell.

He has recently made a difficult decision to leave his group of 8 years - NEWS, to go into full time Solo as an artist. A decision that requires alot of courage. The future is unknown. But no matter what happens, I will still be supporting him, just like how i have been a decade back. Step by step, choice by choice, day by day. Spending time, living Life like that.

As for me, i'm most likely going to stop working as a nurse. This must be shocking for people who knows that I'm going to graduate with a Degree in Nursing. Then again, this choice, though have been made with thorough thoughts, is not too shocking to me. I have already been expecting this day. The work of a nurse is not suitable for me life long physically and mentally. But at least for this short time being a nurse, I have seen and learnt a lot. These experiences cannot be easily gained in places else where not in the healthcare field.

Since bumping and falling all over the previous years, i have grown to learn that Life is definitely not a bed of roses without thorns. Rolling in them promises the feeling of bliss and sweet intoxication, but also along with surest pain. Thorns that pierces though every part of your delicate skin,triggering shots of pain through the nerves. What adrenaline. And that's how you can get hooked to Life. It's like that, i guess. That adrenaline rush. Addictive.

Glad that my university life is a blossom. Made new friends, great friends, outings, hangouts... Inspirations and definitely a catalyst for change in my mindset and perceptions. And change is forever the only constant. I'm so so so glad for school this time round. And last year's school mates were great too! If only i have had more time in university... Well, but im not young anymore. life's got to move on, right? Heard this sentence from some random person: People work hard to move upwards, to improve. No one works to move downwards. Seems like i have been doing the latter :/

Anyways, yes. It's finally time i have decided work hard to move upwards. Towards the adult-ly life path before me.

Besides going to do what i love, i also wanna save up alot. Not only for myself, but in hope that my parents can retire soon and have a great deserving trip to Hong Kong!

Change is definitely not easy. I have yet to really look into in detail what job i am going for, but least to say, im taking one step at a time.

Though sometimes i may not look like it, but still i hope everyone will look after me... And i too, will do my best in Life!